that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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