Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
