What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
