was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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