Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
