i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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