i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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