There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
