Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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