I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
