Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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