I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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