try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
