WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
