If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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