I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
