Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
