it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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