You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
