Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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