Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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