This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
