seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
