New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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