The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
