I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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