There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
