he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize