quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
