You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
