drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
