How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
