nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
