i was born a porn star she said
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
