Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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