you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
