You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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