I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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