Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how drunk are you?
Several
I have tasted many bathrooms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
