Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
