One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
