She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
where are you?
Hypothermia
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
