she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
