why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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