Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
