if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This house was built for laser tag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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