tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
