I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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