Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
