we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
