What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
