everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
