You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
