if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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