apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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