all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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