In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My ass is underappreciated
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
