I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
