umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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