I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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