i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
