even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
