I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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