Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
