Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
