One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
