Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
